Walking with Us

Living Beyond a Title
I remember during my divorce feeling like my whole world was crashing down and there wasn't a thing I could do to slow it down or speed it up...I simply had to go through the eye of the storm. It was during that time that God met me in the most unusual places and through some of the most unlikely of people.

Prior to my move to California, just as the papers to my divorce were being drawn, I went to my bank to finalize the "separation" of my "joint" account. On that day, the vice-president of the bank, Jim, who knew both my ex-husband and I, invited me into his office. I expected that we would touch on my divorce but I didn't realize that his intention was to care for my soul. The attention, compassion, and concern for me was beyond anything I could have imagined...especially from a man who was trained to deal in dollars not broken hearts.

With Love From Kentucky
This morning we went to yet another appointment. Admittedly, the end of this last week (Thursday thru Saturday) were rough for me. I was convinced that after reviewing our old scans (we gave this disk to the other perinatologist in the group last week to evaluate with our doc) that Dr. Lagrew would be forced to add more factors to our growing list of concerns. I nearly made myself crazy studying the pictures of my daughter (that are of course arranged already in an album...bed rest bonus). One picture in particular, I determined was the ONE that made it all too clear. When we walked into the office, it was THAT picture that was up on his laptop screen...

Together, we talked about her scans and I laid it on the table, this was the picture that I was pretty sure showed it all. Dr. Lagrew, in his Kentucky drawl, said "naw, this is just a bad image, she is not laying in a good position for us to get much out of it." We spent the next hour, watching him measure each part of our daughter again (he wanted to do them all over to be sure himself). With every measurement, she was on track or better in sizing (they have been looking for a shortened femur, arm-bone, finger, etc).

Several times, he came back to her face. It still seems the angle at which her nose protrudes from her face is flat (to what extent...not sure). In every appointment, we like to ask the doctors the same "what do you think" question. Dr. Lagrew's response to "is it Downs?" was "my gut says, I don't think so." We shared with him the 50/50 stat that his partner gave us last week and he said "well that seems pessimistic, I'm admittedly an optimist...maybe the best place to be would be realist but I'm not seeing that number." Again, he reiterated that he has some thoughts that there still could be a syndrome and of more pressing concern for him is the excess amniotic fluid.

It is crazy how difficult it has been to know how to pray in these last weeks. I'm not sure I have it all theologically correct...but figure God will sort out my requests recognizing that they are coming from the pleas of a desperate mommy's heart. My specific request this last week has been that God would give her the strength to swallow and that her fluid numbers would go down. In measuring my fluid level today, we went from a 29 at last week's appointment to a 23.8 (range of normal is between 5 and 25). Yeah! Dr. Lagrew referred to this number as "kissing your sister" and then quickly said "that's a Kentucky expression...I should probably watch what I say." We laughed...loving how unpretentious he is as he sits with us.

Planning for the Unknown
Each week, Dr. Lagrew will monitor my amniotic fluid number and once she is born she will not be allowed to immediately feed as he has some concerns that she may have a blockage in her system. This will be tested by the neonatologist as feeding prior to clearing any obstruction would cause her to aspirate the liquid (milk) into her lungs, leaving her open for severe complications. This last week, I contacted the Orange County Down Syndrome Association to ask about resources for breastfeeding. When I received their email back, it took me a couple of days to respond (my emotions changed from the time I originally hit send...). Just got the books in the mail today. I have set them aside for now.

A New Peace
Jeremey and I walked outside after this appointment and briefly checked in with one another. It was funny, we both had that same feeling...we didn't necessarily know anything new but sitting with a doctor who cared for us so well gave us a new peace. These are the moments when I am even more convinced, that we are all called to ministry...whether our title is V.P., Dr., parent, or something else altogether.

Thank you all for continuing to pray on our behalf. Your encouragement gives us the added strength to face each day.

God's Peace,
The Kings