Joining the 2-year-Club

Tomorrow morning our little boy turns two. I remember people saying to me "they grow up so fast" and internally thinking, "not my son" but sure enough we have not been spared from that sense that time moves far faster after having children.

We have never wanted to look back with regret that we did not savor this season with our son and thus far I think our little family has been able to make that a reality. Watching Gabriel explore the world brings such joyful laughter to our home. He is a delightful combination of both funny and personable.

We love that he says, "no thank you" when he doesn't want to do something...which makes enforcing just about any request a challenge. We also adore that he is such a fan of people. Not only does he remember names but he remembers who goes with whom and will ask you where your friend is by name if they are not with you. Probably our favorite time with Gabriel is when he reaches his hand out and asks to pray. He reminds us often of the importance of simply praying in thankfulness for the people in our lives.

Gabe we are so grateful to be your parents...each day with you is an honor.

With Love,

Mom and Dad

A Not So Traditional Thanksgiving

Bursting at the Seams
Growing up we were one of those families that had strong traditions. Thanksgiving was always spent at Auntie and Shari's. Their home has never been large but it has always been full...not just with people but filled with joy because they love to have all their "kids" home. I knew when I found out that I was pregnant, that no matter how well my pregnancy was going, that I would still be too far along to travel home for the holidays. To ensure that we had family to celebrate with, my mom planned a trip out to be with us and honestly it could not have come at a better time.

The pressure that this season has placed on Jeremey as he juggles two jobs, being Gabe's primary caregiver in the mornings and evenings, managing my condition both at home and going to appointments, plus all of the housework has been more than I think I can even imagine. My mom has taken over much of the extra work which is allowing Jeremey to actually nap this afternoon!

Gourmet Fixings
Yesterday, since I was restricted from being with a large group of people, we decided to make the most of our tiny Thanksgiving and buy some amazing meat. Yep, the turkey got the axe (well not literally...just didn't make our menu). Instead, we went with filet mignon and fresh scallops. One of our dear friends, Amy, made all of our sides, including dessert, which allowed us to have the most incredible spread you could imagine.

Waiting for Baby to Move
We did have to wait a while for dinner as the morning started out on a challenging note. I woke up early because I had not felt the baby move since the night before. I decided to have some breakfast as she usually is quite active after I eat. I waited for about an hour...nothing. I decided a glass of juice might do the trick...still nothing. By this time, I was getting concerned, as she was well outside of her normal pattern. I drank a glass of cold water but only had three movements from her all morning which I knew just wasn't her pattern. We decided after all of our efforts to call Labor and Delivery for instructions, they had us come in for testing.

For those of you not familiar with my family story, my mom lost my brother in the 39th week of pregnancy. My mom had called the on-call OB to let him know that the baby was not moving in his typical pattern, but her concerns were dismissed and she was asked to wait until her appointment a couple of days later. By the time she arrived for that appointment, my brother had died. Knowing this story, along with Dr. Lagrew's strict instructions to be vigiliant of her movements had us all a bit on edge.

Does Anyone Know a Good Therapist?
Once I was hooked up to the machine, it was a relief to hear her heart beating and of course she began to move around shortly after we arrived. The nurse that was assigned to us made it her mission to "educate" us on everything from "how to know when our baby is moving" to "anxiety" (even suggesting at one point that I see a therapist because apparently I looked tired and stressed). Needless to say her dismissive attitude toward our concerns was triggering me beyond words.

One of my favorite scenes of the morning takes place just after Dr. Tracy walks into our room, the Nurse (cue condecending voice that sounds like it might be questioning your sanity) says, "now has Dr. Lagrew given you ANYTHING to worry about?" Dr. Tracy is standing behind the nurse, Jeremey flashes the doctor the "get this nurse out of here before we lose it look" and within moments they both leave. When the nurse returns, we can only assume that she has a new understanding, provided by Dr. Tracy, of just how complex our case has been because she has little to say and simply does her job.

Before being discharged, we were sent to ultrasound for a biophysical profile of the baby. She looked great including good movements and "practice breaths."

Lovin' his Trike
It was good to come home with peace of mind that she was doing well. In addition to eating our Thanksgiving feast, we decided to celebrate Gabe's birthday a bit early so he could open his trike and enjoy it before daddy has to go back to work. He has now been walking around for two days with his bike helmet on...insisting that it be worn for watching movies, playing soccer, drinking chocolate milk...just glad he took it off before laying down for his afternoon snooze.

We hope you all enjoyed your celebrations!

Hugs,

The Kings

Is that my face?

Leftover Easter Candy
For the past couple of days, I have woke up, looked in the mirror and thought "gosh my face looks strikingly similar to a jelly bean." The swelling in my face and hands has officially begun. During my pregnancy with Gabe, I would look in the mirror and think "I look swollen" and then I would ask Jeremey and he would sweetly reply, "no honey you look beautiful." I suppose asking your husband about weight gain/swelling when he knows you are in a highly hormonally sensitive state is a bit unfair. It wasn't until I went to see my rheumotologist that I realized the severity. Upon seeing me, he exclaimed "wow your face is almost totally unrecognizable!"

Not a Passing Grade
Yesterday, I went for my routine NST (non-stress test). I told the mid-wife that I wasn't feeling the best and showed her a few of my symptoms. She decided to take my blood pressure at the end of my session. It was 124/92...not great. Concerned, that the NST did not go well (baby's heart decelerated and did not make the correct gains during other movement counts) and that my symptoms were compounding, she had me check-in with my OB before I left to see the perinatologist. They decided to make a copy of my NST for Dr. Lagrew and then allow him to evaluate next steps.

Half-Awake
I walked over to Dr. Lagrew's office for my amniotic fluid measurement ultrasound (now done weekly). I showed him the NST printout which he had less concern about because of the correlation between high amniotic fluid and odd reads on NST's...so that was a bit of a relief (although he encouraged a re-test for Wednesday to be certain). I was beyond tired during my appointment and may have missed a few things but thought he said my fluid was around 27 (when Jeremey arrived, he heard him say it was about the same as last week...which would put us in the 23...24 range).

Weird Science
During this next part of the exam, Dr. Lagrew also looked again at our daughter's face and got some decent shots...thinking out loud he said "gosh she has big lips"..."what do your son's lips look like?" All of this questioning was leading him down the path that maybe...just maybe her nose looks even flatter because her lips may be fuller...he expressed that this is his hope. I was having an 80's flashback moment to Kelly LeBrock, the actress that starred in Weird Science and coined the phrase "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" She had the best lips...pre-botox revolution.

License Revoked
Before I left, Dr. Lagrew looked at my hands, feet, and face. Feet are not swelling...which is a little odd given all my other symptoms. He decided to send me back to my OB to be weighed and to have my BP checked again. My weight came out holding steady from my Thursday visit (wheww...) but my BP was now 144/98...really not looking good. Dr. Tracy decided to have me lay on my left side for a while to see if it would come down. Thankfully, after some time it was down to 110/72 which helped us avoid a trip to the hospital. As a result of the day, I will no longer be able to drive myself to doctor appointments (or anywhere for that matter) and they will continue to follow my blood, urine, etc. outpatient. I go back on Wednesday morning for another NST and a visit with my OB.

Thankful
My mom arrives mid-morning today! I could not be more excited to see her. It will be such a treat to have her here for Thanksgiving as I will not be able to get out of the house. We have a great deal to be thankful for this year including an incredible community that has stepped up to help with our son, faithful friends and family that are holding all of us in prayer, and simply time...I look at the extra weeks we have already been given with our daughter INSIDE...growing. I don't want to miss these moments of goodness in the midst of concern.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love you all,

Michelle, Jeremey, Gabriel and little girl King

Shopping On-line

Unfit for Bed rest
Two of my top five strengths according to Strengths Finder 2.0 (worth taking if you have not already) are Achiever and Learner. It is crazy how true I find each of these to be...even on bed rest. I am nearly 15 days into bed rest and have spent much of my time trying to figure out the best way to accomplish something tangible while laying here because according to Strengths Finder, each day starts at zero for me and somehow I have tied my feelings about myself to my sense of daily accomplishment. Combine that with an insatiable desire to know everything about everything (plus a laptop with ready access to google) and you can only imagine the insanity!

Going Before the Judge
For the last week, I have been feeling well, staying on my meds, living mostly contraction free, and staying in the bed or on the couch except for doctor appointments. You can probably see why I was certain that my OB was going to release me from my "prison" for "good behavior." I wasn't really anticipating a "full pardon" but I thought at the very least we might move to "parole" (I would have even been willing to wear one of those ankle bracelets like Martha Stewart so my doc could have tracked my every move). Unfortunately, my appointment did not bring the news I was hoping to hear. In fact, it seems my body is not cooperating as I had originally thought.

In the last couple of weeks, my doctor informed me, my body has begun shifting toward preeclampsia. I have been collecting my urine once a week for 24-hour urine analysis as well as going in for blood tests. The proteins in my urine have been creeping up and today when I weighed in at my appointment, I had gained 9 lbs. in only a week. My face is starting to puff along with my hands and legs. This along with my labs, suggest to my doctor that even with bed rest things are not going well in my system and the next step beyond continued bed rest will be hospitalization with round-the-clock monitoring of my system as well as the baby.

Bah Humbug
Before I left her office, Dr. Grinch...stole both Thanksgiving and Christmas... well at least the festive social parts. Her reminders were a list of NO's...including NO SHOPPING (thank goodness I have a handy-dandy laptop and a well-established account with Amazon), NO HOLIDAY GATHERINGS, and NO COOKING (not taking this last one as hard as you might think...smile).

My mom returns on Tuesday and will stay with us until December 1st. During this time, we will quietly celebrate Thanksgiving and Gabriel's 2nd Birthday.

The Thirties
We are currently in week 30 and head to week 31 on Saturday. Certainly grateful for your prayers. Specifically, we are praying that my symptoms come under control and do not cause issues for our little girl (with Gabe my high blood pressure and swelling cut-off feeding to him forcing delivery in week 36). Also, continued prayers for her health especially her ability to effectively cycle the amniotic fluid.

Love to you!
The Kings

Walking with Us

Living Beyond a Title
I remember during my divorce feeling like my whole world was crashing down and there wasn't a thing I could do to slow it down or speed it up...I simply had to go through the eye of the storm. It was during that time that God met me in the most unusual places and through some of the most unlikely of people.

Prior to my move to California, just as the papers to my divorce were being drawn, I went to my bank to finalize the "separation" of my "joint" account. On that day, the vice-president of the bank, Jim, who knew both my ex-husband and I, invited me into his office. I expected that we would touch on my divorce but I didn't realize that his intention was to care for my soul. The attention, compassion, and concern for me was beyond anything I could have imagined...especially from a man who was trained to deal in dollars not broken hearts.

With Love From Kentucky
This morning we went to yet another appointment. Admittedly, the end of this last week (Thursday thru Saturday) were rough for me. I was convinced that after reviewing our old scans (we gave this disk to the other perinatologist in the group last week to evaluate with our doc) that Dr. Lagrew would be forced to add more factors to our growing list of concerns. I nearly made myself crazy studying the pictures of my daughter (that are of course arranged already in an album...bed rest bonus). One picture in particular, I determined was the ONE that made it all too clear. When we walked into the office, it was THAT picture that was up on his laptop screen...

Together, we talked about her scans and I laid it on the table, this was the picture that I was pretty sure showed it all. Dr. Lagrew, in his Kentucky drawl, said "naw, this is just a bad image, she is not laying in a good position for us to get much out of it." We spent the next hour, watching him measure each part of our daughter again (he wanted to do them all over to be sure himself). With every measurement, she was on track or better in sizing (they have been looking for a shortened femur, arm-bone, finger, etc).

Several times, he came back to her face. It still seems the angle at which her nose protrudes from her face is flat (to what extent...not sure). In every appointment, we like to ask the doctors the same "what do you think" question. Dr. Lagrew's response to "is it Downs?" was "my gut says, I don't think so." We shared with him the 50/50 stat that his partner gave us last week and he said "well that seems pessimistic, I'm admittedly an optimist...maybe the best place to be would be realist but I'm not seeing that number." Again, he reiterated that he has some thoughts that there still could be a syndrome and of more pressing concern for him is the excess amniotic fluid.

It is crazy how difficult it has been to know how to pray in these last weeks. I'm not sure I have it all theologically correct...but figure God will sort out my requests recognizing that they are coming from the pleas of a desperate mommy's heart. My specific request this last week has been that God would give her the strength to swallow and that her fluid numbers would go down. In measuring my fluid level today, we went from a 29 at last week's appointment to a 23.8 (range of normal is between 5 and 25). Yeah! Dr. Lagrew referred to this number as "kissing your sister" and then quickly said "that's a Kentucky expression...I should probably watch what I say." We laughed...loving how unpretentious he is as he sits with us.

Planning for the Unknown
Each week, Dr. Lagrew will monitor my amniotic fluid number and once she is born she will not be allowed to immediately feed as he has some concerns that she may have a blockage in her system. This will be tested by the neonatologist as feeding prior to clearing any obstruction would cause her to aspirate the liquid (milk) into her lungs, leaving her open for severe complications. This last week, I contacted the Orange County Down Syndrome Association to ask about resources for breastfeeding. When I received their email back, it took me a couple of days to respond (my emotions changed from the time I originally hit send...). Just got the books in the mail today. I have set them aside for now.

A New Peace
Jeremey and I walked outside after this appointment and briefly checked in with one another. It was funny, we both had that same feeling...we didn't necessarily know anything new but sitting with a doctor who cared for us so well gave us a new peace. These are the moments when I am even more convinced, that we are all called to ministry...whether our title is V.P., Dr., parent, or something else altogether.

Thank you all for continuing to pray on our behalf. Your encouragement gives us the added strength to face each day.

God's Peace,
The Kings

Round the Clock Rest

Going in to yesterday's OB appointment, I already had a pretty good hunch that I was not going to be leaving my bed anytime soon. The day before I was contracting most of the afternoon, evening, and was awakened by more painful contractions at 1 a.m.

My blood pressure was up at the doctor's office so they had me lay in a recliner with a "non-stress test" monitor on for over an hour. They retook my pressure but it was still reading high so I am now having more blood tests and I am collecting a 24-hour urine sample (this is my third time so I am getting really good at transferring my sample without spilling!). As those of you who have been pregnant know well, there is a lot of peeing that takes place in this time frame so having to carefully contain, transfer, and refrigerate is a part-time job (I know...not like I have so many other pressing things to do right now).

Dr. Tracy (my OB) has now increased my anti-contraction medication from "as needed" to round-the-clock (every 6 hours). I will be going in to see her each week from this point forward with two additional appointments for the non-stress tests (this is where they hook me up to a machine and monitor the baby kicking as well as her heart rate). I will also be seeing the Perinatologist for my amniotic fluid measurements.

Gabriel has been adjusting pretty well to my inability to play. He comes and lays next to me to watch movies and often just puts his head on my tummy...sometimes he gives his sister kisses other times he wants to pray. I am so fortunate to have such a tender spirited little boy.

I can't say enough about all of the people who have stepped forward to offer their support. From being covered by prayer to the gift of a full-schedule of babysitters (Andi...thank you for taking the lead and making a spreadsheet!) to a yummy pot of chicken soup, we are experiencing your love quite tangibly for our family.

Much love back to you,

The Kings

On One Hand...

The day began early, as I did not sleep well in anticipation of our Perinatologist appointment this morning. Admittedly, I am pretty exhausted as I write but hope it still sheds some light on where we currently sit.

Going into this appointment, we had assumed a couple of things...

1. We thought we were meeting with our Perinatologist (Dr. Lagrew) but instead he had made a request that we see another Perinatologist (Dr. Booker?...trying to keep all our people straight) for a second opinion. All of the doctors in this practice are extremely bright (the ultrasound tech gave us a "fast fact" that this doctor graduated 5th in her class from Harvard...not sure her rank was for her bedside manner but we are a bit biased toward our regular doc who exudes both warmth and intelligence...you know like a good coffee date).

2. I am pretty certain both Jeremey and I were hopeful that many of our concerns would be laid to rest or confirmed with the measurements that the geneticist requested. Those measurements were indeed taken and it appears that she is in the 50th percentile or a little above which would be considered "normal." Other measurements that came out well were her pinky (the ultrasound tech noted this is one of the measures they look for around the 20th week because the bone is missing in 60% of Downs cases. At week 29 she is seeing the bone and because it can grow later she wanted to see its length. The bone was present and appeared to be the right size). They also measured the distance between her eyes which looks to be normal vs. too close together. Her heart and kidneys continue to look well which we are celebrating.

3. With all of these great measures you would think that we would have nearly been given the "all clear"...not the case. In fact some of the waters got a bit more murky. When they measured my amniotic fluid again today it was high at 29 (normal is between 5 and 25). I'm thinking great we have extra! Not exactly...I guess this is yet another indicator of the potential for Downs as many babies have difficulty with their muscle tone including their swallow reflex. Additionally, the doctor thought she saw some movements of the head that were indicitive of Downs--again due to the possibility of poor muscle tone. If all of this were not enough, the doctor reconfirmed that our daughter appears to have a low nasal bridge (or missing nasal bone) and when she looked at pictures of Gabriel (we were holding out that she would see his lowered nose as similar) she said "nope, his is normal." This was her opinion from looking at both his ultrasound scans and his pictures.

I asked very clearly at the end of our time what the doctor thought and she said "I am concerned." She still put our chances at 50/50 but was sure to tell us "I wouldn't be surprised if this baby has Downs." Due to my abundance of amniotic fluid, we will go back to Dr. Lagrew on Monday for another ultrasound. Several things will need to be monitored because of these levels including the health of our baby as the fluid can cause issues with the placenta, her heart, etc. We will also need to control the fluids as they are likely the reason that I am contracting...which began again this afternoon and continued for about three hours. Thankfully, we are able to control the contractions at home with bedrest and doubling my meds.

We would love your continued prayers for our daughter and for our family as we prepare for her arrival. Specifically, we ask continued health for her organs (heart, kidneys, etc) and more time inside to grow and gain strength. For us...trust...the unknown has been a tough place to live.

Grateful for your love and prayers!

The Kings

28.5 Weeks

Status Update
Let me first begin by saying how grateful we have been for the prayers that each of you have offered on our behalf. As you may have experienced in your own journey sometimes a "status update" is simply not enough. Here is a window into our last couple of weeks...

Rocking our World
A week ago Tuesday, I went into the OB for a routine check-up. At that appointment she gave me the results from an ultrasound (one that I had done for a children's study @UCI...another story). The study does not discuss results with the participants but does send information to the OB if there are concerns. Hearing the first result (a two vessel umbilical cord) was not shocking as I had just met with our Perinatologist (high-risk baby doctor) a few days before. For those of you just joining my pregnancy story, I have been classified as "high-risk" because of my auto-immune issues (my body reacts similar to a lupus patient in pregnancy...see blogs from 2007 for story of Gabe's birth).

The Perinatologist checked the heart, kidney's, and her growth closely as these tend to be the areas that show signs of weakness in a two vessel cord child...so far so good. The second result that came back from the study was that our daughter appeared to have a "low nasal bridge." My doctor tends to be a bit avoiding of emotion and moved on quickly from this news leaving me little time to process my own thoughts and emotions. It wasn't until I arrived at the elevator that I began to digest her words.

The Scan
That night we called the Perinatologist and scheduled an appointment for last Friday. Three nights past without much sleep as I anticipated the results. In this appointment, we were first scanned by the ultrasound tech and then by Dr. Lagrew (our Perinatologist). He also saw the "low nasal bridge" and decided that because we also have a two vessel corded baby that we should talk to the geneticist about correlations (I honestly didn't realize that the two vessel cord was a risk-factor for other issues but about 1/3 of children have chromosomal anomalies). We asked our doctor specifically about the chances that we were facing Downs or Williams syndrome and his response was "I don't think so."

More than we Anticipated
We had hoped to meet with the Geneticist (the doctor) but ended up in a room with the ultrasound tech and the genetic counselor (who had talked to the Geneticist on the phone)...oh and PS our Perinatologist was called to the OR for an emergency. In just moments we went from feeling relieved that our child likely did not have a serious condition to being told by the genetic counselor that the highest correlation with our two factors (the 2 vessel cord and low nasal bridge) is Downs Syndrome. We asked a ton of questions but seemed to hit a wall with the professionals that were available to us in the room and so we left feeling less than "counseled" or maybe I'm confusing the term counselor with the idea that we should have felt somewhat consoled.

A New Lens
From the moment that we found out, I have been living in the rawness of my emotions (maybe that is what comes with the pregnancy territory). It has been so good to walk with my husband through each moment of this process. He is the one who scores off the charts on the Strength Finders assessment in the area of ADABILITY...wheww glad one of us is rocking that trait. He has held the big picture for us both reminding me often that no matter who our daughter is that "we as her parents will help her to find her purpose in this life." When I step back and think about parenthood, even with my sweet healthy son Gabriel, I realize that this truth does not change. Somehow this is the knowledge that allows me to ask the strength to get past some of my own stuff...you know the subtle dreams that we just assume will be available for our kids...I'm sure I'm not alone on this one.

Saturday night I finally got some sleep and was able to put my grief on the back burner (at least for the moment). We had another conversation with our Perinatologist on Monday night (both Jeremey and I talked to him...long story but I realized I was so that "patient"...you know the one that calls the exchange after hours even when they are not in imminent danger). Our doc was so gracious with us. Our next appointment is on Monday at 8:30 AM. In that appointment we will have a series of measurements taken that the Geneticist requested, review old scans of her, and look at pictures of Gabriel (both pre and post birth because of his nasal structure, which we also think is lower).

To Make Matters Worse...
I now feel like I have a better understanding of the expression coined above. Just when I thought things were nearing bottom, yesterday morning, I woke feeling "not well." I was certain if I ate I would feel better...instead I began throwing up. Combined with my aching body (that was swelling), diarrhea, and raising blood pressure we were told to go to Labor and Delivery. When we arrived, they put me on the monitor (for baby's heart rate and to see if I was contracting). It wasn't long and my back was "aching" intermittently and then greater waves of nausea came with this awful feeling of being kicked in the stomach. I didn't realize I was having contractions nor did my nurse. After leaving the room for a few minutes, she returned and was shocked to see the readout that showed I was contracting quite regularly. From that point the staff began working quickly to try to get them under control. They began with a pill and then moved to a potent shot in my arm as my body was not responding. We had a test done to see if there was a protein present near my cervix. If present, there is a likelihood of going into labor in the next couple of weeks...we were so thankful to be negative as this bought us some time to simply get the contracting and other symptoms under control.

FLU?
I had numerous tests done while I was in the hospital. None seem to be conclusive as to what is causing any of my presenting issues. My OB is a suspecting that I may have some version of the flu and is treating me with Tamiflu. After spending the night in the hospital (with my amazing nurse and dear friend Kristin), I am home on a drug called Nifedipine which is to help stop my contractions and I am on bed rest (peeing and sitting up to eat only...don't worry I'm writing this post from a laptop in my bed...smile). I will go back to the OB on Tuesday.

Life with Gabe (yep two-year-olds and bed rest are incompatible)
I could not be more thankful for friends that know that I am not good at asking for help. Gabe spent two days with our friends Chappell and Kent (he did a full-on cheer when Kent showed up at our door yesterday). Aside from the our little guy coming home dressed like a metro sexual (they have a little girl and we didn't send extra clothes...) he was in such good spirits. My mom arrives tomorrow morning (Friday) and will be in town until Wednesday. We have much to figure out in these next days but feel so fortunate to be working out a bed rest schedule vs. the alternative. Your continued prayers for our little girl (feel free to be bold), for my health, and for us to get as much time out of this pregnancy as we can (I would love to get to week 37...but anywhere in the safe zone would be great).

We'll keep you posted as we learn more in our doctor appointments or if there are any changes.

With love,

The Kings